An African's Queen

Observations of an African Man's Western Woman

About an African’s Queen

Sanni & I

I’m white. I’m Australian. I’m female and according to the social implications of the negative stereotypes around me my Nigerian boyfriend is only dating me because I am useful. I am status. I’m apparently rich, I apparently have power, and apparently I have influences. This might be a bullshit idea for you to stomach but it’s true in the minds of many, not just Africans but European, Australasian, American or Arctic cultures too.

Racism is alive and prevalent in the world and I’m done with denying that it exists. People are more than willing to avoid talking about race but to talk about differences in colour, culture or societies is some sort of –ism and it always has a negative connotation. We’re so afraid to refer to someone by their colour or race, we have to ensure we’re always politically correct but if we do not belong to that culture we’re not allowed to talk with any authority about it otherwise we run the risk of offending someone.

If more people gave themselves the permission to talk about what they know of foreign cultures we would no longer have the racial divides we have today. It is my understanding that we are more inclined to listen to, and therefore believe, the words of our fellow kinsmen than we are someone from another culture. For example, westerners are more inclined to believe what I have to say about African’s than they are Africans themselves. Why, because of stereotypes!

We all have preconceived notions and ideas of other cultures based on what our society and media have taught us.

Consider the stereotypes you know about the African continent, do these top your list: poor, war, famine, poverty, HIV/ AIDS, malnutrition, low education, corruption/ greed. Notice that they’re all negative attributes but what if I told you that African people are innovative, creative and intelligent people who are among the world leaders of art, culture, technology, science, medicine and other industries?

Africans have been telling the world these things for a really long time but no one believes them. Why? Well, because they’re not like you; you cannot assimilate to them. For the eons of history African countries have been portrayed negatively, not because what is happening isn’t true but because no one is reporting the positive aspects of the countries too. Let’s face it. We love disasters, we feed on drama, our western media networks thrive on things that scream “poor me” but happy, successful stories do not sell. No one cares. Africa has been banking on the negativity because of the western NGO influences but now when there is success western countries do not believe it’s possible, or worse, attribute it to western involvement rather than their own abilities.

Chimamanda Adichie is my favourite African author, not just because of her writing, but because of how she speaks of her people, the culture and being African. She spoke on TED about stereotypes and about the danger of a single story, that is only one view of something when in reality people, countries and their cultures are multi-faceted, she explains:

If I had not grown up in Nigeria, and if all I knew about Africa were from popular images I too would think that Africa was a place of beautiful landscapes, beautiful animals and incomprehensible people fighting senseless wars, dying of poverty and aids, unable to speak for themselves and waiting to be saved by a kind, white foreigner.

After watching the speech I wrote an opinion piece because it fuelled my desire to understand more, to be an active voice. In it I wrote:

We could ignorantly affirm that it is the role of the Africans to tell their story differently and that it is up to them to paint a different picture but I beg to differ. It is the western media’s ignorance that has caused this severe imbalance and it is the responsibility of the western media to help correct it.

As a writer who loves a Nigerian man I want to be a voice that discusses what I learn of African people, their culture and lifestyle. I want to help correct the wrong impression and stereotypes that the western media have made.

I’m learning a lot from Sanni and his friends about Africa but mostly I’m learning how to be a better person because of the way African’s think. This more than anything else is what I wish to illustrate in my writing here. To be clear, I do not intend to be an authority on all things African, that task is being fulfilled more than adequately by Africans themselves. What I do want to impart is the wealth of knowledge I am gaining about being an African man’s western girlfriend and how being white does play a major part in how I view the world.

Some might think that using the terms white and black, caramel, or other, is derogatory and blatant racism but it’s not. I have absolutely no hate towards people of other cultures. I have dated people from many cultures, lived in western countries, China and am now living in Cambodia. I’ve got friendships with people from all walks of life. Anyone who wishes to claim that I am a racist has totally missed the point of my message.

The point is that I’m white and that means I view the world from a western point of view. Try telling an Aboriginal Australian that they view the world as a White Australian and as far as stereotypes go you might just get stabbed. There’s a good reason why colour divides cultures and that’s because people are meant to be different. I personally love how culturally diverse western countries are. I think it’s important to maintain and promote the variety of our cultures. It’s especially important that we study, understand and teach each other about those other cultures because only with education comes acceptance.

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116 thoughts on “About an African’s Queen

  1. Hello, i was so happy when i’ve seen your post in wordpress. Im romanian and my boyfriend is nigerian too. In my country black people are very rare, and most of the people are racist, so maybe you can imagine how they look at us on street. I have a different oppinio. Im so happy with him and he treats me like a princess. Honestly, he calls me african queen too. Maybe because of that song. You and your boyfriend look good together. If u want you can add me on messnger just so we share happenings. Have a good day.

    Like

    • Larisa, it’s great that we can share our stories and experiences. I love being called an African queen, and yes, it is in reference to the song. I hope to hear of your stories too, do share what your man teaches you too!
      All the best, Caron Margarete.

      Like

  2. sajad on said:

    hi . i am an iranian boy and i live in tehran and want to be your boy friend . if you want send an email to me .

    Like

  3. morgan on said:

    i agree wholeheartedly with you aims. keep loving your beautiful african man and keep the spreading the love/appreciation for all cultures. I’m the product of a black man and a white woman and proud of it!

    Like

  4. The Swerve on said:

    I think this post is empowering and wonderful.
    Personally i am mixed race from the west indies and the UK – when i was younger the names were terrible but i just took it with a pinch of salt!

    Like you said the media has stereotyped africans as a culture that are ungrateful people with no respect – sadly as with many cultures there are a few people that are like this and the people that have the misfortune to experience these individuals are so closed minded they think that all people from that culture are the same.

    You have put across many valid points and i hope your link is read by many.

    Like

    • Thanks for commenting! I share your hope that many come by, I only hope that it’s more positive than negative! 😛 That said, feel free to share my link around and be sure to subscribe, I’d love to receive you opinion on future posts.

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  5. C. Ewen Mac Millan on said:

    Not exactly the same scenario, but I married a Palestinian girl in the US just seven days after 9/11.

    For some of my “light-skinned” friends, she married me to escape going back to Palestine (or Saudi Arabia, where she was actually born.)

    For some of my Arab friends, she married me because marrying an “American” was a status upgrade. This was considered laudable. I had married her, apparently, because I has become one of them (also, laudable.)

    To her family, I had married her to get access to high paying jobs in Saudi Arabia (ridiculous, I made three times more in the US.)

    To my new friends in Saudi Arabia (after I gave up on living in the US), apparently I had married her because I felt sorry for her, which somehow strongly affected their attitudes towards me – sometimes lauding my generosity, being a good muslim, etc. Others said I should really marry a Saudi woman of course, if I wanted to live there (I guess this group believed I married her also, to be able to live in Saudi Arabia.)

    Needless to say, our mutual communities and families trusted no one, which contributed to the failure of the marriage.

    In any case, if you go against the “real” opinions of those around you, it will surely change things for you as you already know. Hopefully, you can tell them to screw themselves. Things would have gone better for me if I had realized that back in the day.

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    • Mr Mac Millan, I’m sorry to hear of your separation and how it came about, I really appreciate you sharing your story. I only hope that my friends and family that do not approve of our relationship see how narrow-minded they’re being and come around, otherwise I guess I’ll be fishing around for new friends! I hope you’ve got great people around you now!

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  6. i love your article…..

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  7. Hamish Hoosen Pillay on said:

    racism like believing the world is flat is one of those embarrassing aspects of humanity. Whereas we were able to sail around the world and prove the world wasn’t flat we still can’t seem to shake the whole which race is better philosophy. All we can really do is ignore the racists and hope they breed themselves out of existence.

    And good luck. I hope your journey ahead is made easier.

    Like

    • hope they breed themselves out of existence

      Interesting idea. Surely, if the hate commentators are only breeding with their own then eventually they’ll run out of viable matches, here’s hoping it doesn’t become incestuous… 😛

      Like

  8. Nikki on said:

    I think it’s great that you’re writing about cultural differences, and it’s great to see this sort of viewpoint on the issue of interracial dating.
    One thing on the flipside, is when you write:
    *****
    [Let’s face it. We love disasters, we feed on drama, our western media networks thrive on things that scream “poor me” but happy, successful stories do not sell. No one cares.]
    *****
    Not to attack your opinion, but this is an extreme generalization of Western society, and as a person who lives in a Western society, I cannot tell you just how wrong you are. Sure, SOME people lean into the “white person stereotype”, but by saying that, you’re simply generalizing white people the same way “everyone” generalizes different races… Having that sort of opinion really just puts you in the same position as someone who makes a generalization about an Arabic/Black/Yellow/Green/Purple/Whatever person.
    I believe it’s in our nature to be curious about other nationalities, but it’s also in our nature to be scared of the unknown. What {most of} media tries to do is make Western society aware of the negative hardships that different cultures go through, and tries to introduce us to these cultures so that we can take it upon ourselves to go out there and not be afraid to learn more about them. While some news channels are just stupid, I know from watching CNN on a regular basis, I’ve personally taken it upon myself to learn more about different places and situations of people in those places… Not just for the “drama” or “negative” elements of these places, but for being aware of the different parts of the world…
    That being said, I like how you wrote about people having to be “politically correct” when they talk about other races. I think it’s so silly how we all {every race} have to be so careful of stepping on anyone’s toes with being “offensive”. {Although, after having been called a “stupid white girl” and having teeth “kissed” at me by a black girl when someone else pushed my into her, I’ve seen that some other races aren’t as “careful” as us “white people” tend to be… Could I have called her a racist for the way she treated me? Nope! Not according to society’s standards…} I think that racism and the ideas of racism are pushed so far beyond what they really are, and the smallest thing that anyone says is taken in the largest offence. The points you made at the beginning of this post about the assumptions of your relationship with a man who is Nigerian are great. You two look really cute together by the way. 🙂

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  9. i’m glad you wrote this and i’m glad you want to help end racism … but it’s interesting that you wrote this: “I’m learning a lot from Sanni and his friends about Africa but mostly I’m learning how to be a better person because of the way African’s think.” hmmm … the way ‘africans think’ … that’s a huge generalization and ‘typing’ of a people. so in your quest and in your self-discovery and self-development you may want to be most aware of how you think, speak and act … and worry less about western media and the world. it all starts with ourselves. and because you are such a seemingly open person i am sure you will take this as a way to grown and not as a criticism.

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  10. Being born in a fjord in one of the bastions of parliamentary democracy. I was raised with a broad view of the world. Black people in Norway are rare but generally welcomed (there are pockets of racism in major cities and ignorance in “rural” communities. Also a rumor that African immigrants were conducting tribal religious murder and rape around Oslo but I feel this may have been exaggerated considerably) but from my personal experience they work harder and play nicer than any white man I know.

    But I like many white Westerners am ignorant of African culture but feel I know how to approach it.

    All I have ever seen of africa has been pity stories and charity commercials. I can’t imagine trying to shake that negative image.

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  11. Cheryl Sandford on said:

    I was so pleased to read what you had written. I am a 62 white woman living in America. I grew up in an all white middle class suburb and the first person that I knew from another country was a girl from Cuba whose family escaped in a raft when we were in high school. She was a celebrity to us and a delightful new friend.

    When I was small my grandparents lived on the south side of Chicago. Their next door neighbors had the same name as ours but without the ‘d’ in the middle. Since I knew they helped my grandparents and that they loved me I always assumed they were my cousins. It never occurred to me that they might not be since they were black.

    My point is that children are born without racist hearts. That is something that is instilled in them by others who, because of their own hurts, hates and ignorance, cannot understand the damage they are doing to their children, their society and themselves.

    When I was raising my four children as a single mother money was pretty scarce. We lived in a lower income neighborhood filled people from all over the world. My children grew up with other children who were named Bharat, Gilberto, Tran, and many others.

    I was always very grateful for this. They were able to grow up learning that other cultures were valuable and basically necessary to our own culture which began with immigrants.

    Sometimes we Americans forget that, you know. We forget that unless we are Native Americans our ancestors are all from different cultures. I, personally, am from English, Irish and Scots-Irish stock. My children are that with Norwegian and German added in. We are a blended nation that has been made culturally strong by what has come before. We will only continue to be strong by embracing the diversity of cultures that we have been blessed with.

    Because I am physically disabled I live in a nursing home. I am grateful, honored and blessed to be cared for by people from Mexico, the Philippines, India, Pakistan, Poland, the Ukraine, South Africa, Guatemala, and yes, Nigeria

    Thank you so much for your desire to help change this sad flaw we humans have developed and for sharing it here.

    Cheryl

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    • Cheryl, thank you for sharing your story, it’s quite insightful and I think poignant for demonstrating that we are all different and that’s the greatest aspect of being human. Could you imagine if we were all the same and weren’t able to discuss this sad flaw? Talk about boring!

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  12. You have a good point…I think people make race a big deal and shouldn’t because we are all the same on the inside and we are all children of God.

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  13. Stefan on said:

    Hi

    I was doing research on, funny enough, Africa, when I stumbled onto your blog.

    Well written piece, and I agree whole heatedly with you about stereotypes, people like putting things in little boxes in which they can classify it and shelf it for when they have use of it.

    I am also all for the idea that we should accept our racial and cultural differences, and that we should find a golden midway to make things work for everyone involved.

    On some other points I would like to question you and ask that you provide examples for your statements. You said “world leaders of art, culture, technology, science, medicine and other industries?” and I ask you how sure are you of your facts? A while ago I tried to defend my left wing stance to some friends with the same argument, but I could only come up with ancient examples where Africans were leaders in these fields of study.

    I am talking about Zimbabwean palace ruins and mostly Egyptian works like the pyramids etc.

    Given, Imperialism has a huge role to play in the suppression of creativity, so lets talk about works in these fields that you mentioned after liberation from colonialism.

    Thanks, and hoping to hear from you soon
    Stefan
    Stefan (

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  14. It’s a bit of a late coincidence that you posted this. Just yesterday, the BBC Have Your Say program debated the same issue of unbalance reporting when it comes to reporting on Africa. As human beings, we tend to zoom in on the things that vent our fears, so we can guard against them. That is what allows the evil deeds of the few greedy and irresponsible Africans, to overshadow the bigger picture. (People who are hospitable, honest, caring, Ingenuity, hardworking, Resilient, and noble). Like, most African countries, the leaders of Nigeria have let the larger population down, and dragged their reputation in the mad. I think every individual deserves an opportunity to prove his/her uniqueness. If you have found love in an African man. My heart is with you all the way. You are in for a Happily Ever After.

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  15. I live in South Dakota, USA. We have lived here for two years and one of the things that is significantly different from where I grew up (Idaho, USA) is the amount of inter-racial relationships. It’s not something that you ever really came across when I was growing up. The other day I saw a lady and her husband shopping together. She was white and he was black. She was holding one of the children and smiling and it made me smile. I like ‘seeing’ the outward expression of non-prejudices.

    Have you seen this article? http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1262574/My-Masai-Mr-Right-Why-middle-class-woman-giving-life-luxury-live-mud-hut-African-warrior.html

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  16. The Talented Mr. Ween on said:

    I agree with what your saying. I think that there’s so much racism in our world, and I think it’s not only on the side of the whites. I’m white, I live in Canada, and I’m a Christian. I disagree with socialism, and because of that and the fact that I’m an american, every one here dislikes me. I have no problem being disliked, and I credit the soul of the African peoples for their resilience to treatment a hundred times worse than this for the past 600 years. I think that anti-Racism is just Racism in favor of minorities, and anti-sexism is only sexism in favor of women, and that governmental prejudice is required, or we get confused and no one stands for anything, which ends up being socialism. So I think it’s very important that instead of measuring ourselves on this scale or by this scale, if we want a correct world where everything is more or less stable, we need to reinvent the scales and the measurements. I don’t see anything wrong with stereotypes in their fundamental sense and purpose, as long as they simply stand for the defining elements of a certain person, and allow for the special circumstances of every specific individual.
    If you disagree, I’d love to discuss it more, but I found that your post was very helpful and well written and interesting.

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  17. The Talented Mr. Ween on said:

    oh, a second thing that came to mind is; we can relate to Africans or Canadians or Australians or whoever, we just don’t want to think hard enough to get into another culture, and it’s really sad. And many of the smartest people I know are from Africa and remote parts of Asia, and some of the coolest are from Australasia and Australia! so there you go, total agreement…

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  18. you two looks really happy together – that’s all that matters. I’m thankful to be multicultural and living in a country that embraces diversity, but there’s still the hint of racial stigma here and there. It probably will never go away; I suppose embracing differences means first noticing and identifying them and that always leaves room for racism to creep in.

    http://www.tracyzhangphoto.wordpress.com/

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  19. Paul Hunt on said:

    Thank you for this well written piece. It came across as honest and balanced. You highlighted a very crucial point stating in effect that western cultures have created and sustained extremely negative and irresponsible ideas about Africans which have in fact shaped opinions about all people of color. The responsibility to counter these damaging effects is difficult to deny.

    As a black person born, raised and educated in europe my experience is one where two realities exist; the truth about my primary, cultural background and all the wonderful, positive truths that have shaped me and the lived, experience of intimately understanding and navigating the Western mind-set. Often, the long-held, generational biases and nuances are ingrained. I’m relaxed about who I am on all levels – as a person of African decent and european nationality. Reading your article confirms my conviction that honesty, openness and dialogue are critical to creating some sort of transformation over time.

    Keep it as honest and ‘real’ as you clearly are…

    PH

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  20. Great post. You’re right – there is racism every where and I applaud you for not only acknowledging it, but for also writing about it.

    You and Sanni? Adorable. 🙂

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  21. Thanks for your thoughts; your boyfriend and you seem like a very lovely couple. There are a lot of wonderful people in Australia, Nigeria, and Romania for that matter. Hopefully the world is changing very slowly. Also thanks for telling us about Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. I am going to check out the “Purple Hibiscus.”

    Blessings and Love,

    Lib

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  22. Great post – saw it on the wordpress dashboard. And thanks for the TED talks link as well *^_^*

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  23. INCOG MAN on said:

    You are a dumb multicult moron. It’s brainwashed idiots like you, who want to push your stupid ideas on the rest of us, that’s destroying our race, slowly but surely.

    YOU ARE A SPOILED BRAT!

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  24. Great blog! You two look good together, so if you’re happy, that’s all that matters. I’m a half-Black/half-White American, and I turned out (relatively) okay. ^_^

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  25. Love has no color…

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  26. bless you!!

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  28. good read.

    from an African Brother

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  29. I’ve had similar experiences, as a black man that has a child with a white woman we’re constantly under attack from naive people with little knowledge of how the world really works. I hope that someday everyone will bypass this color barrier and relationships with people of different ethnic backgrounds will no longer be such taboo.

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  30. Hi. I think this is a wonderful post and your ideas ring true to me very much. I am not white, but I am Arab. And the negative stereotypes follow me around whereever I go. People assume I am oppressed, uneducated, support terrorism, domesticated blah blah blah. They would have no idea that I am a journalist and writer, have strong opinions and play the guitar and have even worked for the US Department of Homeland Security. Racism just plain sucks and I am really happy that you are saying something about it!

    Feel free to check out my blog as well at http://www.norasalemwrites.wordpress.com.

    Keep blogging!
    ~~NS
    http://www.norasalemwrites.wordpress.com

    Like

    • Nora, thanks for sharing your story! I know that we have a long way to re-educate people about how defeatist stereotypes are but one step and another positive voice at a time we’ll get there.

      By the way, don’t facebook your ex again, be the strong woman you are and delete him! When we keep one door open we prevent another from opening, time to close the door bella, he’s an ex for a reason!

      Like

  31. LaVonne on said:

    Inspiring Post!

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  32. Plenty on inter-racial couples nowadays, the world is mixing.

    Cheers,
    Remain.Simple

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  33. This is such a wonderful post. As a history student, I’ve endeavored to focus much of my research towards changing the incorrect perspectives about “minority” groups. The stereotypes of the African continent are especially upsetting to me, because any of Africa’s problems today should be seen through the prism of white origin: the brutality and political turmoil caused by the Europeans in their partition of the continent was absolutely horrible, but hardly ever acknowledged.

    Thank you so much for sharing your own personal stories on this topic, and for raising awareness to the racism that still exists today.

    Like

  34. You two are a beautiful couple! If you think it’s tough being a bi-racial couple that is heterosexual, try being in a bi-racial lesbian marriage where the dark skinned lady also happens to be a transexual. Some might see us as having two strikes aginst us, but we don’t see it that way. We are the happiest and most successful of all of the couples we know. My entire family has shunned us because of who we are. Does that make us sad or angry? Not at all! We are so filled with joy, honored by each other’s presence in this lifetime and being happy is the ONLY THING THAT MATTERS. Let the rest of the world live their lives the way they want to while you live it your own way. You should not seek approval or blessings from anyone, not even each other. Be true to yourself and all good things will come to you. Bless you and have a great day!

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  35. bhadravathi on said:

    yes larissa u r right. there is lot of racism around. i am glad you and this blogger are happy with ur choices. u can add me on messenger if u like. have a good day.

    Like

  36. elinasingh on said:

    Similar story here… I’m from Finland, my husband from India. We live in Canada now since we find it more tolerable than our respective home countries.
    All the best to you and your loved one. I hope you can get your voice heard.

    Like

  37. Peace Greetings African Queen,
    I name is KUKU, I am black, Yoruba, and Nigerian like your beloved. I am happy I came upon your blog, Nevertheless, It isn’t a coincident or rather synchronicity. You have spoken eloquently and might I add accurately about the negative stereotypes of Africa and how it can be eradicated. I’m musician a singer/songwriter who thus far as had the western culture telling my stories far better than my native Nigerians/Africa. Perhaps it due to my USA home base and lack of adequate exposure to my people, but I seriously doubt that. I’m a firm believer that generally prefer exoticism; from outside-in. History as shown us that “Prophecy is never accepted first in his home of origin”, hence, and as far as I’m concerned, the western world has a better chance telling Africa’s positive stories while Africa continue to create the success story. It a culturally division of labor, maybe sad, but Africa creates the product and the western world packages, markets and sells it. Isn’t it the way it has been so far?

    Best Regards
    KUKU
    http://www.kukulive.com

    Like

  38. Micah on said:

    Ha, this brings a smile to my face!

    C.S. Lewis says that we should read at least one old (even preferably ancient) book for every three new.

    People are also books (I happen to be the sole Caucasian member of a Church group that consists of 70+ Ethiopian and Eritrean refugees and asylum seekers on the Mediterranean island of Malta).

    Like

  39. Andrea on said:

    I love your post. I hate when people sterotype based on race and color. Ethnicity is also huge in our play of what a person should be like. I hope that you will continue to post such wonderful and insightful articles.

    Like

  40. You, my lady, have hit a proverbial nail on the head and I salut you!
    Being black, I find it ever so tiresome and frustrating to constantly have to defend my very existance on this planet.
    With the many stereo types out there, black, male (or female) and African is always at the top (or bottom) of the list when it comes to many things and it is so boring.
    The worst sort of stereotyping is that of relationships, wealth, inteligence, achievements and social roles in all walks of life.
    History has dealt Arfica as a whole a very hard hand and the more people out there who are willing to testify to the joys they get from being in a multi racial relationship, culture or lifestyle, the sooner this can be put to rest (some what, (there’s always the hope eh?))
    But thanks for being one of the voices raised in protest.

    Like

    • You’re so very welcome Maryam! Thank you for sharing your story, I’m sorry you’ve had a difficult time simply being yourself. I hope you swing by now and then and share more positive stories here so we might create some real concepts, not the half-ass ideas that exist now!

      Like

  41. I was so glad with your post because in Canada i saw many couple like you guys and along the way or ahead with years their ‘breed’ is beautiful and amazing!
    I pray and congratulate you for that. Just enjoy and live your life. Free of stereotypes.
    I’m Latin-america, jewish and afro-caribbean ( a whole smart and funny mix up!) i write about ‘inter-racial- dating, cross cultural stuffs. My parents were (white/caribbean) and I did the same!. There is so much more. I wish you good luck and many blessings. By the way Australia and its people are great!! I visit 1999.

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  42. pol159 on said:

    I am very pleased about this refreshing piece on global racism. There should be more of these around.

    It is time the world knows that we all dont live on the serengeti with lions and giraffes as pets. I HAVE NEVER SEEN A LION IN MY LIFE but I was born and raised an African.

    It is going to be tough though. Remember this, less than 50 years ago, African Americans were second class citizens. Time will eventually, hopefully irradicate racism and its ugly cousins sexism and ageism in all of its form.

    Like

    • Pol159, thank you for your support. I hope you can provide insight and ideas for me to write about, especially of people & their successful stories so I might be about to interview them and portray Africans in the positive light they deserve.

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  43. I stumbled upon this… AWESOME. while i must admit i didn’t read it all, pressed for time, what i did read was refreshing and needed to be said!

    Best,
    B

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  44. Songbird on said:

    There will ALWAYS be prejudcie… of some sort- it is human nature- but you go girl! Love or indeed friendhip does not heed to colour, culture or any pre-judged ideas. I am what one could call a WASP… and my soul-mate (best friend) is a Latin American Jew. We are like two peas in a pod… go figure! Life is beautiful!

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  46. Thanks! I think our best hope for peace is more inter-racial relationships to improve cultural understanding.

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  47. Thanks so much for your post. I was actually thinking about this very topic today, so it seems fated that I stumbled onto your blog post.

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  48. Dear soul,

    Thanks for expressing yourself. You did it from your point of view.

    I’m a white American.

    Your article was standard concerning the racial propaganda to day in America, which is that whites are to defer to blacks, lest we offend them, and that if whites are racists, we are necessarily ignorant, and wrong, and hate (as though hatred is necessarily wrong).

    Some of us here in America don’t need to media to feed us information about blacks. We have witnessed what they do for quite some time, not all of which is pleasant. To say otherwise would be dishonest, and inconsiderate of the people of the present, and the future.

    Truth is to be presented whether it offends any person or not. If a person is offended by the truth, that person has shown himself to be incompatible with the truth.

    Some of us whites in America think that we don’t have as much freedom to express ourselves about race as we would like, such as via the media, which seems to be set to stifle freedom of speech contrary to our federal and state constitutions. Without sufficient freedom, that adversely affects the legislative process, which hinders the solving of problems.

    Would you favour breaking our society up racially so that whites that desire to live with blacks may, and whites that would live with our own kind may?

    For those that haven’t learned about racial differences, that way they could learn whether to continue in a direction that allows miscegenation, or promotes separation.

    Like

  49. Move to Canada (I am serious)

    Mixed race couples are not only very common here – they are welcomed for the unique and beautiful love they express and represent…

    Love has no color, no race (also no gender) – no limit.

    I wish you both well.

    M.L.

    Like

  50. “Racism is alive and prevalent in the world and I’m done with denying that it exists.”

    So true! Thanks for speaking honestly about the situation in the world and your own experiences. I’m married to a Filipina lady and it’s amazing to see how family and friends have reacted and the way people are so quick to think they know why someone fell in love or married another!

    God bless you and Sanni as you change peoples’ perceptions simply by loving one another and hopefully bring them closer to realizing what love is all about!

    Like

  51. santosh on said:

    I understand. Being an Indian, I couldn’t watch ‘slumdog millionaire’ even for an hour as the poverty depicted there was ‘distracting’. Better movies have been produced in India, let alone Hollywood, but I was not surprised that it won the oscars. A true case of ‘poverty pornography’. Same is the case with the depiction of Africa and Africans.

    Even the churches raise obscene amounts of money in developed countries mainly by showing such ‘poverty pics’; and a big portion of the funds end up getting utilized for prioritization.

    Like

  52. cronos on said:

    um i dont think you answered a valid question i believe you brought up yourself in your first paragraph. is he dating you because your white/caucasion, and therefore for the social economic upward momentom? or does he really care for you? im of the opinion that yes he does care for you but there is still this nagging thought in the back of my mind that most of the time when people from different cultures hook-up(from my expereinces in college) they do so for the social economic benefits afforded to them by the match. i think your blog diserves a deeper inquiry into the the subject.

    Like

  53. João on said:

    Hi there! Good point of view, you seem pretty tough defending your ideas, and that’s something to be proud of, specially when talking about themes like this one. I’m from Portugal, we have a large number of african people living here, most of them because of the old african colonies we had there like Mozambique, Angola, Cape Verde, Sao Tome and Principe. Many migrated because of the revolution (which, by the way, celebrated it’s 36th birthday last sunday).

    Forgetting racism in other races (just to shorten this comment), I have a great respect from the stereotype of african people I developed along the last few years – simple people with beautiful cultures, from countries with great (and proporcionally) simple music. But unfourtunately and at least here, I might have to say that the big tendency of racism is turning upside down and it is now mostly in their [african people’s] hands. It’s awfull to see how some already grow with some natural anger against white people. On the other hands, this is not just hapenning in Portugal, but also in Mother (as I like to see it) Africa – most recently in South Africa. Have you seen any videos with it? It’s really sad and somehow ridiculous…

    I’m not actually religious but it hurts me even more when I put all this together with the fact that we are all sons from the same mother…

    About you and your boyfriend, I hope you can be an example to the world and to those who persist in dirty the image of black people. That picutre of you would be a hell of one of those vintage Benetton publicity ads 😛

    Regards,
    Joao

    Like

    • João, I’ve not seen the videos, can you send me the links in an email? caron AT fromwhoatogo DOT com with links???

      Thanks for commenting, I appreciate your insight from a Portugal point of view. I tend to think that if black people receive enough negativity that racism towards whites is just the natural course. Only for so long can one receive hatred without wanting to give it back just as lethally.

      Like

  54. Kudos on posting proudly!

    In the United States, many progressive communities eschew open racism but sadly, keep a quiet discrimination common. When in an inter-racial relationship, I was used to cold stares in the chamber of commerce meetings. Somehow the attitude was that “if a teenager wants to date out of their color code, they’re just trying to irk their parents, but how can you two college-educated adults act this way?”

    It is disappointing and it has to stop. Love and maturity don’t have color codes, and we can choose our family however we wish. Often we do better this way. Keep up the great work!

    Like

  55. This is a very powerful and inspiring story. It’s good to see a woman like you see a man for what he is “A MAN”..To you he is Sanni..and not just a black man..I wish more people were more like you. Racial divides still exist now only in Austrailia but in the U.S. as well..I hope this messages gets spread across the world..

    Like

  56. anti-zog on said:

    How can you possibly like that shiny smelly animal touch yourself. Are you some kind of a pervert? There are psychiatrists out there that could help, you know. I bet you are not living with him in Nigeria among Nigerians, you prefer to sleep and have black children with him, but then you still want to live amongst white people, because it is clean and safe and economically advantageous. If you want to expose yourself to this filth, it is your right, but don’t bring it to my homeland built by my white ancestors for their white children. By the way, the word racism was invented by communist zionist jew Leon Trotsky. So good luck in Africa with your boy friend.

    Like

    • Anti.Zog,
      I can believe people with your mind-set exist in context of humanity. You speak out of fear and pure ignorance. I hope you find peace within, I wish you peace, truly peace.

      Like

  57. Madam, you have issues. You cannot prove what is in your heart. Why the drama? Race mixers are highly racist. White women are popular, Black women are not, even with Black men. Your son will avoid women that look like your daughter and go for a real prize. Tiger Woods = freak. White men and Asian women? Anti – racism hardly. Transracial adopters? Very selective. You are excited by the power you think you have, you just harass and extort people. Africa needs help with its humanity. We white people are fine. Africans seek asylum for cannibalism, slavery, genocide and they seek help from White people. For us all, please re-evaluate.

    Like

  58. satan on said:

    what a disgusting,idiotic mudshark. i hope your pet monkey kills you.

    Like

  59. Afrikaner on said:

    You look like a stupid drug addicted whore and you’d have to be to commit bestiality with that animal. Most likely you will contract AIDS since your nigger “boyfriend” has already slept with hundreds of other African “queens” whom he used and discarded in exactly the same way as he will do to you. It won’t be long before he leaves you disease ridden and broke. I hope you enjoy your trip to hell you stupid bitch!!!

    Like

  60. Wow. I’m wondering if the hate comments are common for you!? They make me want to vomit. I’m sorry you even got two. ((hugs))

    I hope your relationships stands the test of time.

    Like

    • Hi Cannwin, thanks for stopping by again. I got a lot more than just two hate comments but don’t worry your hug made ignoring them a lot easier!

      For a new blog that talks about race, culture, Africa and stereotypes I had to expect that not everyone would like what I had to say but all the people who left hate comments didn’t actually leave constructive comments, they were just like roosters fluffing up their proud wings and showing everyone they’re really full of hot air. It’s not a big deal to me, if I didn’t approve their comments it could be said that I was being racist against white supremacy and that would totally counteract my point that we all deserve a chance to be ourselves.

      That said, I implemented a comment policy when wrote the follow up post to this one. Hope to see you here again, by the way, you have a beautiful family! Glad you won the bike argument!

      Like

  61. interracial sucks
    same race couples are adorable and cute!
    im white
    and i love couples that look very similar
    most interracial couples are based on everything except love

    Like

  62. I think you look great together!!

    ~Ramona Kent~
    Author of Anomar’s Journey
    http://www.ramonakent.wordpress.com

    Like

  63. Stefan on said:

    Wow, Afrikaner, you sure are a feisty one.

    I am sad that I have to deal my culture and my country with the likes of you.

    Thankfully, you are also supporting the writers comments about stereotypes.

    Jy is ‘n werfetter wat dinge vir almal net moeiliker maak in Suid Afrika, nie makliker nie.

    Like

    • Ah, Stefan, I’m hoping I’m reading you correctly. You’re sad? You mean to suggest that what I’m doing is a bad thing? I don’t really see myself as feisty necessarily just determined to do something rather than sit idly by. Could you clarify your statement please? And translate your other-language statement too? Thanks, I look forward to your reply.

      Like

      • Stefan on said:

        Hey Caron

        Sorry, the reply was not directed at you, but at the person who wrote under the name of Afrikaner.

        I must have made a blunder when I replied to what he said.

        I am sad that I have to join my Afrikaner culture with the likes of him and his, well, lets keep it nice and clean, potty mouth 🙂

        Translation of the Afrikaans text that was meant for him goes as follows ” You are a disgrace, your type makes things more difficult for people in South Africa, not easier ” based upon the stereotypes you talked about earlier

        Like

        • Stefan, thank you for the clarification. I wasn’t reading the message correctly as it turns out, must have been the square-eyes I’ve got from looking at my screen so long! Thanks for commenting!!!

          Like

  64. Thanks for your interesting post. I think a lot of what you are saying is true and important. As a woman who has dated men from various cultures (african, latino, antipodean, west indian) I found one of the most important points you made was that we should not pretend that difference does not exist. We are raised in vastly different cultures, which shape our opinions, morals, habits, and perspectives. I find dating people from other cultures so important as a means to explore and question my own tightly-held beliefs.
    Are we equal? Absolutely.
    Are we the same? Not so much.

    Like

  65. sregginlol on said:

    Have fun with the nigger savage you disgusting coalburner. Your whole niggerbabble rate is all about justifying miscongeneating your race. Oh yeah, your not white anymore, you are now a nigger. GRATZ!

    Do you notice those looks you get when out in public? Here’s a hint – they are looks of pity, not curiosity.

    Looking forward to you getting a place in the Nicole Brown Simpson Coalburner Club.

    Like

  66. sregginlol on said:

    Yeah, I though you would moderate comments, only putting up what you want other to see. Fucking coward.

    Like

  67. Leroy on said:

    How long will it be before they find her head out in the woods somewhere?
    I give it 3 years….

    Like

  68. laughingatyourlife on said:

    Wow, the internet was waiting for your unique story! Sperm depository for the priceless African DNA bank, to build the next Uganda or Zimbabwe in your parent’s backyard? Not quite the dream of most normal people, is it – but it’s the fantasy of every rejected leftwing slut in the Western world.

    Like

  69. Jack Worthing on said:

    There are many stereotypes about the black race, and I’m sorry to voice the opinion that most of these stereotypes are true. Is the brutha statistically next to you more likely to commit rape and robbery, evade taxes, leave no tip, have children out of wedlock, be an ex-con, or be on welfare than the average nonblack male? Absolutely.

    Do African nations lead the world in dictatorship, genocide, slavery, cannibalism, corruption, mismanagement, child marriage and violence against women, poverty and starvation? Undeniable.

    Hell, I’ve read surveys that said Baghdad and Caracas were safer than Detroit, and there was less looting and crime in Hiroshima after the nuke than in New Orleans after the hurricane.

    However…

    There are black and even black African folks who are educated, professional, progressive, and forward-thinking individuals, and this is undeniable as well.

    There are exceptions to every norm, and it is cruel for those who are really different, to bear the consequences of the stereotype.

    Like

    • Jack, thank you for your comment.

      Stereotypes pigeon-hole a whole society and suggest that all people within the society as like this and as you’ve said, there are exceptions to the rule. In an ideal world we would first think a person an exception before we consider they’re part of a stereotype. Easier written than practised I realise, and that’s why this blog is important to me. I want to be able to show that good people do exist and that not all stereotypes fit the mould of the entire society. I’m not aiming to change all these stereotypes, although that would be awesome, it’s also unrealistic; change must come from education and education has to start somewhere. My aim is to learn about African culture as a means for greater understanding; I write this blog only so others may also gain.

      I hope to see you hear again soon!

      Like

  70. Alexandra on said:

    Talk about ignorance.

    I see you’ve been thoroughly indoctrinated. Racism is not inherently hateful and it’s perfectly okay–even NATURAL–to prefer someone of one’s own race.

    Wanting to join the Nicole Simpson Sisterhood…?

    Like

  71. Wow!A lot of these comments are mean, but I commend your for sharing your story and your love with us.Love knows no color or boundaries!

    Like

  72. Mr. Itrolu on said:

    Its a shame to see what could be an intelligent girl so deluded and deranged. Just a quick point, Africans are not becoming leaders in science, technology or medicine. All of the world’s innovation occurs outside Africa, this is a FACT, the blacks who have managed to make some impact in those fields, they’re fine, but they’re also the exception, not the rule. Africa will always remain a continent whose only use is natural resources, nothing else. Those African countries that have managed to do well over the last few years? Its natural resources, minerals, oil, etc. A temporary windfall. But I don’t blame Africans for it, after all we excel in different areas. Africans are good at physical activity, whereas asians and whites prefer more cerebral pastimes. It disheartens me to see you buy into this afrocentrist propaganda, you might as well believe that africans had flying pyramids the whites stole from them.

    Like

    • Mr Itrolu, I do not deny that I have a lot to learn but to suggest that I am deluded and deranged because I haven’t given you specific enough information is only indicative of a lack of written research not a lack of my intelligence. Unlike other negative commentators I do not think you are coming from a position of racism rather one of education and perhaps personal experience. It’s a shame you didn’t list your URL so I may learn more about you. Rather than criticise though I believe your comment could’ve been more productive. It is one thing to highlight what another does or thinks incorrectly, but quite another to point them in the right direction and offer to help them. Had you truly known more information, shall we suggest facts, and not just been giving your opinion then perhaps I would’ve been able to consider your comment not as personal attack as you’ve made but one of constructive criticism.

      In this post I state:

      African people are innovative, creative and intelligent people who are among the world leaders of art, culture, technology, science, medicine and other industries.”

      At no time did I suggest they were the world leaders, only among them. As you yourself acknowledged:

      the blacks who have managed to make some impact in those fields, they’re fine, but they’re also the exception, not the rule.

      So they’re an exception, that’s great. Change has to start somewhere!

      I know that Africa’s foundation is its primary resources and they’ve achieved a lot in these industries but to suggest they’re not capable of achieving greatness in other industries is unjust and only working to further cement the stereotype that Africans will never amount to much more that what they are today. Of course different countries have their strong points and I do not deny that Africa is right to be strong in the primary resources, as is China is making the world’s stuff, and Germany for their brilliant beer but to suggest that all countries cannot do well in other industries isn’t logical.

      I don’t know if you read the entirety of my post but to suggest that I am afro-centrist is actually pretty spot on because that is the point of this blog. I am dating an African! I am researching, learning, interviewing and writing about African culture so yes this is afro-centric, what would you suggest it be otherwise? But, to buy into propaganda? What propaganda did I buy into exactly? Considering that propaganda is information, ideas, or rumours deliberately spread widely to help or harm a person, group, movement, institution, nation, etc, then I fail to see exactly what I’m spreading, except perhaps a positive view of countries that are misunderstood by other parts of the world. Do you really believe this little blog is really so powerful to achieve such wide-spread change? I think not.

      Like

  73. Thats a sweet blog post! I’m so delighted you chose to talk about it.

    Like

  74. “Consider the stereotypes you know about the African continent, do these top your list: poor, war, famine, poverty, HIV/ AIDS, malnutrition, low education, corruption/ greed. Notice that they’re all negative attributes”

    Negative…but true, yes?

    “but what if I told you that African people are innovative, creative and intelligent people who are among the world leaders of art, culture, technology, science, medicine and other industries?

    Well, I’d like to see some statistical proof of that latter assertion, then? Got any?

    Like

  75. Pingback: KUKU: Where African and Western Music Positively Blend « An African's Queen

  76. I found your site from the WordPress.com page which has several sites that are strong enough to make the page. Your site is wonderful and beautiful.
    Thanks……

    Like

  77. Becky on said:

    Caz mama! I know I am so late getting around to read and commoent on this but here I am. I have a few things to say. One, I love you and I love that you are trying to make change. I love that you are writing about your experiences. Just that in itself is making change – its educating people, and education is the key. Ok, do you remember a drunken skype date we had last year when I was talking about how the guy I was seeing at the time, and how I felt like his exotic other to him?? You say that many people see you and Sanni and they think that he is using you. Well in the end, I felt totally used by this guy I was seeing. He was never directly racist to me, but at time I felt like I was just the ABORIGINAL woman he was seeing. It came to a point one night when we were talking about my culture. He was really into Indig politics and was all for reconciliation etc. When I talked about my brthers playing the didge, yeah that was awesome. When I talked about us speaking in language, yeah that was awesome too. But when I talked about my dad getting emu eggs and us eating them scrambled – well that was just a little too much. That was a little too Aboriginal for him. To me, it seemed like he was into the caramel skinned political chick, but when she started talking hunting and gathering, ohhh well, too much. Here is the poem, it’s by a woman called Anita Heiss.

    Coffee Coloured

    Why do you call me your coffee-coloured girl,
    And think that I’m exotic in your white-man’s world.
    Tinged with the tar brush you envy my tan,
    You think my colouring is all that I am.
    But the shade of my skin is not just my cover,
    Although it’s the only reason you became my lover.
    You loved the chocolate coated casing
    Of your new found gin,
    It wasn’t the spark in my soul
    But the colour of my skin.
    You liked that I wasn’t pained, stained or dyed,
    You loved the naturalness of the colour of my hide.
    And now you are so shallow with your boys club gloating
    Of your new found woman with the coffee coloured coating.
    Why don’t you love me for all that’s within,
    And not simply the colour of my skin??

    And on a final note, I’ve never had an issue with being called black etc, and colours. My best friends mum used to call me her latte daughter, and us Aboriginals call ourselves blackfullas. My boss is also a councillor on Blacktown City Council, and a fellow councillor has been trying to change the name of Blacktown. It was called Blacktown cause the first Aboriginal school was set up there. The local Aboriginal people dont want the name changed, they see it as a kind of ode to them, and I agree. So then he changed tact, and tried to say the growing African population found it offensive. My boss works exstensively with the African people, and they too love it!

    Like

    • My dearest Becky! Thank you for your support and for the honesty in which you’ve written.
      I love the poem and I’m sure many an African-woman could attest to similar feelings. Ironically, it is on occasion (and not speaking from personal experience) that I know some white women feel this way when in the African community here in Phnom Penh. The sociology of culture here is different and so dating a white woman as I’ve described can sometimes sadly be for the status or money, after all, the men didn’t start thinking that way of white women for no reason. Stereotypes arise from behaviour that’s observed on masse and it doesn’t reflect an individual and hurts many.
      I truly hope they don’t change the name of Blacktown, it’s a part of history and isn’t intended to be derogatory. Perhaps you could put your political voice to writing and get your opinions out there for others to read. I for one would love to see the constructive criticism you give the Councillor… in this day & age, technology gives laypeople a voice and you, my dear friend, have one hellofa strong one! Speak your truth! And if you wanna know how to get the ball rolling shoot me an email!
      I believe in you.

      Like

  78. The 22nd G on said:

    Racism will always be alive and well. People are divisional by nature which you’ve defined through your words. As for those of the African continent being highlighted by negative connotations, this is a result of who has written the historical data.

    People of color will forever be identified as threatening because those custodians of world history realized “days back”, Africa, its indengious people are the beginning of man’s beginning. This in itself would say those of lighter persuasions are not the proto-type but a “type” not of the original ones. Yet, those who stole the “truth” have if you will; re-written the truth.

    Will cont; just received a 911

    Like

  79. got to this page after link-hopping from an article about Amanda Kijera.

    pretty disheartening reading some of the negative comments people have left you. keep doing your thing and staying positive. ignore the trolls because I guarantee very few of them actually believe the nonsense they’re spewing.

    Like

  80. Caron, you are a beautiful. Your boyfriend does prize your beauty, it is silly to deny it. Here in the USA black women cannot get a black man to treat them like a queen, 70% of black children have no father in the home.
    Your daughters will not be beautiful like you. They will have as much trouble finding a man to treat them like a queen as all black women have.
    Have you asked Sanni if he would mind if you birthed blond, blue-eyed babies who learn effortlessly? You can find Norwegian med-student sperm online.
    Would Sanni be proud carting a gorgeous blue-eyed blond tot on his shoulders?
    I think he would be. Look how proud Heidi Klum’s black husband was to adopt her gorgeous blond daughter she had with a European.
    If you reject my idea outright, I perhaps care more for your future daughters than you do. At least ask Sanni what he thinks. Black-eyed babies or blue–your choice Sanni.

    Like

    • Caron Margarete on said:

      Carol, my husband is going to be happy irrespective of what our children look like because he is an honourable man who wasn’t raised in a racially biased society like the US and his life in Australia now is equally non-racially biased. It saddens me that this is your reality. I wish you all the best. Caron.

      Like

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