An African's Queen

Observations of an African Man's Western Woman

Response to Comments for the About this Site Post

Many people commented on the first post on this site. Quite an overwhelming number of people actually. I did not expect that kind of reception. I certainly didn’t expect to be posted on the  WordPress Freshly Pressed page. That in itself is a great honour but mostly it is the insight that you, the reader, have left here that tells me I’m doing the right thing.

You've inspired me to keep writing! Thanks everyone!!!

It is clear to me that I have to be extremely careful now about what I write. I’m not about to censor myself but I do want to make sure I do not become an authority on racial issues. The point of this blog isn’t to speak out against racism but to illustrate what I’m learning of the African culture, my life in Cambodia with Africans and to bring to the attention of many the successful, positive stories of Africans. To divert away from that would detract from my core message.

I think that racism is too difficult a topic to tackle and to highlight issues that everyone is experiencing is only going to put oil on an already angry fire. Some of you may have read the ridiculous and disgustingly ignorant comments a few people have left on the first post, you may also note that I didn’t delete them or comment on them. This was to highlight the divide in opinions and to give freedom of speech to all my readers but that doesn’t mean I have to acknowledge them or give them attention they don’t deserve.

To be very clear right now; I will not get into a racial war on this site. That is not a fight I’m willing to have so be warned, from now on, if you post negative comments be prepared to stand by your convictions and have an extremely good argument. If you have something worthwhile to add I’ll approve your comment but if you’re just plain nasty then you’ve wasted your time writing because I’ll delete your comment.

A number of people have asked me some very valid questions regarding what I wrote and I do intend to answer each of you. However, I do not think it is advantageous to do so within the comments field, especially as what I have to say isn’t necessarily straight forward and many would benefit from the reply without having to sift through the comments again.

To everyone I want to acknowledge how thankful I am to have received such a wide range of intelligent thinkers posting their opinions. To those who wrote personal accounts of your experiences in a biracial relationship I applaud you for sticking to the faith of your beloved. To those Africans who have thanked me I say to you, without your lungs I wouldn’t have air in my words.

Some of the comments & my responses:

Cronos: um i dont think you answered a valid question i believe you brought up yourself in your first paragraph. is he dating you because your white/caucasion, and therefore for the social economic upward momentom? or does he really care for you? im of the opinion that yes he does care for you but there is still this nagging thought in the back of my mind that most of the time when people from different cultures hook-up(from my expereinces in college) they do so for the social economic benefits afforded to them by the match. i think your blog diserves a deeper inquiry into the the subject.

Cronos, the question you ask is the same question (read: fear) some of my friends and family have too. Feeling as though I need to justify that I’m loved wholeheartedly by Sanni hasn’t been easy. They, like you, cannot see what I see and only those who see us together can testify that he is in love with me. He & I have a relationship built on very strong, open and honest communication. We talk about absolutely everything and for the first time in my 28 years of life I am totally 100% myself. I do agree that you are making a valid request for a deeper inquiry and I will add it to my growing list of future post ideas. Thank you for taking the time to comment, I look forward to future insights from you.

Stefan: On some other points I would like to question you and ask that you provide examples for your statements. You said “world leaders of art, culture, technology, science, medicine and other industries?” and I ask you how sure are you of your facts? A while ago I tried to defend my left wing stance to some friends with the same argument, but I could only come up with ancient examples where Africans were leaders in these fields of study.

Stefan, in the greatest of honesty, it was a sweeping statement to make a point. That said, Sanni has been telling me of different public figures from Nigeria, so I know if they exist there they are throughout Africa. What I do intend for this site is to source and interview who these successful people are and bring light to their achievements. Stay tuned or better still subscribe and receive regular updates…

Oddgonzo: But I like many white Westerners am ignorant of African culture but feel I know how to approach it. All I have ever seen of africa has been pity stories and charity commercials. I can’t imagine trying to shake that negative image.

Oddgonzo, I can imagine shaking that image because that’s exactly what I’m going to do here.

Loveinotherplaces: hmmm … the way ‘africans think’ … that’s a huge generalization and ‘typing’ of a people. so in your quest and in your self-discovery and self-development you may want to be most aware of how you think, speak and act … and worry less about western media and the world. it all starts with ourselves. and because you are such a seemingly open person i am sure you will take this as a way to grown and not as a criticism.

Loveinotherplaces: I am aware that I will most likely make these kinds of comments from time to time and it’s important that you continue to highlight when I do. I am not going to pretend that I’m this saint who never makes these generalisations because I’ve still got so much to learn about the way I think. To clarify the statement though, all people of all cultures do think differently in relation to their upbringing, society, education, country of origin, etc. My suggestion was that my boyfriend & his friends think in a particular way because of their African upbringings and I’m becoming a better person for these lessons.

Nikki: One thing on the flipside, is when you write: “Let’s face it. We love disasters, we feed on drama, our western media networks thrive on things that scream “poor me” but happy, successful stories do not sell. No one cares.” Not to attack your opinion, but this is an extreme generalization of Western society, and as a person who lives in a Western society, I cannot tell you just how wrong you are. Sure, SOME people lean into the “white person stereotype”, but by saying that, you’re simply generalizing white people the same way “everyone” generalizes different races… Having that sort of opinion really just puts you in the same position as someone who makes a generalization about an Arabic/Black/Yellow/Green/Purple/Whatever person.

I believe it’s in our nature to be curious about other nationalities, but it’s also in our nature to be scared of the unknown. What {most of} media tries to do is make Western society aware of the negative hardships that different cultures go through, and tries to introduce us to these cultures so that we can take it upon ourselves to go out there and not be afraid to learn more about them. While some news channels are just stupid, I know from watching CNN on a regular basis, I’ve personally taken it upon myself to learn more about different places and situations of people in those places… Not just for the “drama” or “negative” elements of these places, but for being aware of the different parts of the world…

Nikki, you’re right to think that I might be generalising we as westerners but it wasn’t my intention to place the stereotype of “white person” against that label and I don’t think that’s what I’ve said. What I was trying to say is that regardless of how a story is watched the stories are mostly doom & gloom because most media outlets see news as these things. Happy, successful stories aren’t as profitable and so they’re reported on a lower scale of priority, especially African stories. I applaud you for taking the extra measure to educate yourself on these stories. I have a feeling you are rare, and have to wonder if other people assume it’s the job of the media to report the appropriate information so they don’t have to go the extra mile? I do appreciate you for pointing this out though because just like I said for loveinotherplaces it all helps.

Sajad: hi . i am an iranian boy and i live in tehran and want to be your boy friend . if you want send an email to me .

Sajad: I think it’s clear who has my heart within his. Thank you, I’m quite humbled by your compliment and I think I’m lucky Sanni’s not the jealous type. 😀

Thank you once again for your comments and honesty everyone. I hope to hear from many of you again and would invite you to subscribe to making keeping up to date easier. While I’m passionate about this site, it is a side project for me for the time being because I am actually very busy creating an online business in English Education and Teacher Training at my other site From Whoa to Go so my posts will come when inspiration and time allows. I hope you can stick around. If you’d like to follow I am also on twitter and Facebook.

Feel free to contact me directly if you have anything you think I might be interested in writing about, my contact details are above.

Blessed be, Caron Margarete.

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3 thoughts on “Response to Comments for the About this Site Post

  1. Stefan on said:

    Yar well, Sanni is a lucky man, not only does he have a girlfriend with something between the ears, but she also have a cute smile.

    Any case, thanks for the reply, and I will stay tuned, since I find constructive debate very useful in finding ways and means around problems which plagues my homeland, South Africa and in the greater African Nation.

    Feel free to search out a group on Facebook too to see some misconceptions on both side of the color divide. The group’s name is ” The Africa they never show you ”

    I only recently started participating there, and it is quite informative.

    Adios for now


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