A Different Reaction to Anger
It’s how he thinks and reacts to me that makes my African man so different from any man, white or other, that I’ve dated. Having been away for three days Sanni & I spent all day yesterday together lounging and watching Nigerian movies we’d downloaded from YouTube. It was a lovely day of nothingness that we were going to tap off by going to get ice cream at our favorite riverside ice creamery.
The change in me was immediate. I showered and upon getting out my mood was the polar opposite. It was as though a black cloud suddenly encompassed me. I felt fear and felt something bad was going to happen. I was sad, angry, depressed and in pain all at once and yet had no explanation for any of it. This was so immediate I could do nothing but react. I got undressed and got back into bed all the while Sanni watched in silent shock.
He left me. He didn’t comfort me. He didn’t try to coax me to feel better. He just let me be alone. It was all he could do to really be there for me.
An hour later I woke up, my mind feeling free; I called to him. I could not see any anger or frustration that I knew he must have felt earlier. I apologised and explained that I didn’t know what came over me.
He told me, “it happens like that sometimes.” He went on to explain that sometimes we do not need to explain sudden changes in mood but we do need to accept that everything has a purpose and that we’ll never know if his God worked through me to prevent us from going out and in turn prevented something horrible happening.
He told me that although he was initially angry he didn’t let the negative thoughts grow, instead he looked for a reason and from this he taught me to see not what is directly in front of us but what is pushing the path clear.
He likened the experience to the Nigerian movie Living in Tears that we’d watched earlier and explained that like the man we can sometimes get possessed by something other than ourselves. In the movie this possession was negative and caused by greed but here he reasoned that what looked negative had a positive outcome, irrespective of knowing what the alternative would’ve been.